Today isn't such a good day

I'll try to catch you up on the last few weeks.   Mom did terrifically well at Burbank.  She behaved herself with the food and got enough rest.  We had our Special Supper in the hotel restaurant with Shawn Palmer this year.  In the past Anita James has joined us, also Tori Counsel.  Mom had Crabcakes, which she says are the best she has ever had.  The price seems to go up and up, but to me it is a once in-a-year treat, so we don't mind. (too much)

   On Saturday afternoon (1/5, last week) I was washing dishes when I heard something odd, and then found her on the floor of her bedroom.   Apparently she had tried to get dressed warmer (putting on her sweatpants) by sitting on the arm of her rocker/recliner.  She lost her balance, fell down, and rolled over to the dresser.  She remembers hitting her head, and her glasses jabbed her eyebrow.
   Frightened, I called Hospice.  They asked if we needed assistance.  I thought yes, Mom thought not.  I could get a neighbor to help lift her.  I called Becky and she stayed on the phone as Mom insisted she could get up & Becky is of the school-of-thought to let her.  I relented. She slowly got up to her knees and then crawled over to the offending chair.  She wrestled her way up to the seat, and then on to the seat, and collasped.   Hospice called back and I talked to them awhile, and told them not to send the team, she wasn't cut, broken, or loopy.  My second concern was really the thought process that created the fall.  Why would she think that was a valid idea?
   I am always suspicious of this getting-herself-up procedure,  I am so reluctant to let her get up on her own even if she can... she could get up halfway and fall again and really hurt herself, or she could fall on top of me and hurt both of us.  It's not that simple. Bill called later in the evening and she was very sweet, but not entirely honest, telling him that it was just a simple slip and she was fine.   hmmm.
   All week long has been a struggle!  She made it to meeting on Sunday OK, and to Gospel.  Then the week went downhill from there.  Tuesday, Sue was concerned about her slowness, Wednesday, Janet was more concerned about her poor concentration and focus.  Thursday, Kelly brought lunch because Becky was home with sick Barry.  Friday, Becky noticed the shakiness and the weepies.  
   Also Terry, her home health aide was very concerned.  She'd actually called me at work that Friday afternoon to suggest that we step up her visits to three times a week instead of two.  I needed to convince Mom that Terry was there to help her bathe and dress, and that it was not a race.  Terry had told me before that Mom seems to always be in a worrisome hurry, as if Terry needs to be finished ASAP, so she can get to other patients.  She is actually allotted two hours for travel and care for each patient.  Mom was convinced.  It will be a good help.
   Sometimes at night Mom will wake with a start.  Once she got up at four in the morning and rolled her walker down the hall to ask me why I was still awake...as I'm lying in bed looking at her.   I guess she saw the night-light on in my bathroom.  She often will hug me long and so tight at bedtime, and tell me she loves me. 
   Saturday night I went in to her room at 9:45 to get her ready for bed.  She was sound asleep in front of her TV.  I woke her and she jumped out of her skin...looked at the clock and scolded me: "We are going to be so late!  Why did you let me sleep so long, and why did you let me sleep in my chair!!!???"  It took some doing, but I assured her that weren't leaving for at least 11 hours, it was still Saturday night, I hadn't give her her sleeping pill yet, and she could still go to bed. 
   But on Sunday she was so tired and still quite sore.  She didn't want to get up, or eat, or get dressed.  This is a first.  Usually she is so ready when it's time to get up.  She spent the day in bed.  Daniel was in town so he popped over for a long visit between Breaking of Bread and lunch.  ( he'd driven off before I could give him keys, or tell him the lay of the land...so he tapped on her bedroom window to have her get up out of bed and let him in....grrr)     Sue brought her lunch from the buffet when she was done eating herself and spent the early afternoon there.  I came home @ three and Mom was sleeping again.  I stayed with her until Gospel, then came home and sat with her through a British comedy & then a mystery, then put her back to bed. 

    Today she had her weekly session with her visiting nurse and her extra visit with Terry.  The nurse was straight-forward and told us that Mom was on one of two trajectories.  Either this decline was a residual symptom from the fall; that she could be sore and achy for weeks, including the emotional damage of the mistake, or she could be on another plane entirely, that being, and this was more serious, evidence of her CHF worsening.   I can only leave this with the Lord, as He knows all, and cares for her more than I do.  He has given me such divine patience now, and a most evident grace.  I have told Mom,  "If the Lord calls you home, He wants you with Him now, and you should go."  
   I also put back another chair in her room.  I had taken it out for more space.   Live & learn!