Weary Wednesday

I am not getting enough sleep...and the appointments are getting tough to keep.  This week alone we needed to get Mom to the Lab for blood work since (my bad) I forgot to get it two weeks ago preparing for her doctor's appointment last Monday 6/10.  Then she had an emergency visit to her Podiatrist 6/11 because she developed a new bedsore that was inflamed, on  the other foot!.  I took a picture and tried to send by instagram but I cannot figure it out.  It is not as straightforward as it should be and I find myself giving up after the ninetieth or twentieth try.  I got the app on my phone but that's it.  It's useless.  Sorry.
Her Urologist sent antibiotic, her Podiatrist sent antibiotic, and as I said, her primary care wanted me to go ahead and do the blood work after the fact, so we had to spend time at the lab.   Then she will call us at home to discuss the results. 
Mom is depressed and morose.  She didn't think it was fair that Darlene got to 'go'. before she did.  She feels useless and a burden to me.  She doesn't realize that her attitude adds to the mix.  Mondays are her hospice visit days, also we wait for her prescriptions to be delivered, and the groceries.  Often on Tuesday morning I am utterly exhausted and it is time for me to start my work week. 

On this Tuesday I took the kittens in to be 'fixed' but forgot to starve them the night before...they were determined to be too young for the surgery and he refused to operate on them with a full stomach anyway.  sigh.  They got their shots and we made an appointment to have their surgery in August, plus to get them de-clawed at the same time.  I know some feel that this is cruel or in-humane if they ever got outside and ran away...however, I don't want shredded drapes, sofas, box springs, chairs, or leather all torn up.  I ordered a climbing pole that has sisal carpet on it, maybe they will, maybe they won't. 

I am struggling with a chronic issue of clients cutting in line...on Friday a regular (and good) client came in (with the proverbial hat-in-hand) and asked if I could PLEASE have it done by Tuesday for her to try on as she needed it by Wednesday.  I stayed an hour late on Saturday to get it done, putting her ahead of about twelve clients.  When I came to work yesterday she had left a message saying she was too busy to come in.  So I was embarrassed before several clients whose work I had pre-empted to get her done.  They came to pick their stuff up and I didn't have it done.  My problem is, is it worth the losing her as client just to shame her for an apology?  We can't change it now, and we can't un-do it.  This happens from time to time and usually it all works out, but recently it's been happening alot.  I will just have to start saying NO.

We had a surprise visit from Daniel, and he brought Jolene Ruga to meet Gramma.  I didn't bring Mom out to gospel but Bill called later and asked if we could come over there.  We did. 

Please continue to pray for us.  I depend on those prayers. 

Lead me to the cross and show me His wounds
May I see my sins as
the nails that transfixed him
the cords that bound him
the thorns that tore him and the sword that pierced him
Help me to find in His death the reality and immensity of His Love. 
Increase my faith in the clear knowledge of
atonement achieved
expiation completed
satisfaction made
guilt done away
my dept paid
my sins forgiven
my person redeemed
my soul saved
hell vanquished
heaven opened
and eternity made mine.
As the Spirit moved over the face of the waters and brought beauty from chaos, may He move over my rebellion and the chaos of my heart and bring peace.

Catching Up

Time does fly!  I will try to get you caught up, though.  I had written a post on May 5 only to have it disappear when I went somewhere else on the web to look something up.  So discouraging.  bleh.

    5/5.  Anyway, on May 5 Mom wanted to go to Arturo's for lunch, after meeting.  Not being Mexican we totally forgot about Cinco de Mayo. The first clue should have been the full parking lot...then the crowded lobby.  When I asked about the wait, they said 30 minutes.  I was ready to go elsewhere, but...they had hired the Ramona Pageant Mariachi Band to serenade the customers that day before they went up to the play!  Mom was so interested, and the look on her face made the decision.  She cheered, and clapped, and hooted with the rest of the folks.  It made the wait much easier to bear.  Thankfully, the band took short breaks or else the people who were already seated (and finished eating) were not interested in leaving!  (even if I gave them the stink-eye)

    5/8.  I called Dan to see what his immediate future looked like regarding coming down to see Mom.  He likes me to do this, it gives him a chance to plan a trip if he has the idea right in front of him.  He didn't call me back, but when I got home from work on Thursday, there they were!  It was a really nice surprise for Mom for Mother's day.  They stayed until after lunch at meeting ( ADM 5/12 ) Sunday afternoon.  They will be back at the beginning of June because....  I had asked Dan to help me with my patio tarp since the weather is getting too hot for my outdoor potted plants.  The wind always wreaks havoc on the tarps, so they tear and I need to take them down.   He and Marge went to Home Depot thinking just to buy another large umbrella, and saw the wood pergola that was built to shelter their outdoor area, and he decided to build one of those for Mom, instead.  He will probably fly down and rent a U-Haul to go home because.... he has decided to rescue me from having to have a garage sale.  When he asked why we were using only two dining chairs, Mom told him we were going to sell the country-style dining room furniture to replace it with a smaller set that would be easier for her to navigate with her walker.  As it is now, four of the six chairs abide in the garage with the two leaves, such a waste of good table top!  That furniture was to be the major piece at my now-defunct garage sale.  I have been clearing out shelves and hidey-holes in the garage for weeks trying to find things to sell to raise money for new dining room furniture, so there is quite a pile of useless-to-me but wonderful-to-somebody stuff.  He asked me how much I wanted for all of it!    He knows how much his wife loves a treasure hunt at a thrift store, so he decided to bring the whole thrift store home.  What a relief!  Marge even went so far as to wash and polish the beautiful twin bedroom set of GG's that has been in the garage for 27 years, and set it up in Mom's room.  Too wonderful for two reasons...I had needed to sleep in the living room while they were here, and I was too far away from Mom so it will be nice to have a second bed in there for any eventuality, and Mom has given them her old queen bedroom suite since her hospital bed is a twin and so the set was now irrelevant.  Marge is happy as a clam as she says she has never had a complete set.  All Marge did, and all that Dan is taking home has set me forward for months & months in Monday chores!!! 

I expected Mom to CRASH right afterwards, but she held onto the 'high' until later in the week.  This is why I try to be so conservative with her activities, so we can weather a change of plan like this without too much trauma.

5/19. This was a sweet, quiet day. Brenda was here with Helena and we had Fondue!  Mom enjoys them ( and the dipping, she is such a dipping maniac ) so much.  Brenda got a picture of Helena with your flowers. 
Last night 5/21, was not quiet.  We had major issues with pain in her bowels, she spent alot of time on the toilet, and I needed to call the nurse @ 11:00pm to get some guidance.  They told me to administer morphine for the anxiety and pain.  She is better this morning, still sleeping.  Speaking of that, it is now 9:00 and I'd better get her up and fix her breakfast! 

Irregular-ish Monday

It was a bit topsy-turvy today. 
   Yesterday (Sunday) Mom was all out of sorts...she didn't want to wake up, or get up, except that she had to 'go'.   She really didn't want to eat or get dressed at all, either. She wept and winced all the way to the potty, she was in that much pain.  I gave her her morning pain pill and some liquid morphine to get to the pain quickly. 
   I called Bill about 8:30am to tell him that I was keeping her home from meeting, and why. He is always so kind to me, and never questions these judgement calls.
   I propped Mom up in bed, gave her some hot tea, some fruit and yogurt, did her testings, (her sugar was decent) watched her swallow her pills, and got her as comfortable as I could.
   I made it to the B of B, and then left during the conference letter reading.  She wanted only soup for lunch so I heated up some pumpkin and squash bisque, and I added some left over croutons, which makes her happy.  She had string cheese, cocoa and toast for supper.  Not much.  We both went to bed early.

   Her nurse Cathy came this morning when she was still in bed.  We refilled her medications, she took her blood pressure, listened to her heart & lungs, and discussed with me her poor appetite, her sleepfull-ness, her growing confusion & cognitive loss, the evident decline.  She knows about the chronic UTI situation, and saw the specimen cup that I have set out to remind me to get a sample tomorrow morning.  I'll drop it off on my way to work.  I always get a urine specimen to the lab a week before any appointment so we can see if the antibiotic is working or if we need to switch.  Cathy doesn't want me to plan on getting her out to the urologist next Monday.  They (hospice) really help me to face facts; what's the point in adding the stress and bother of an outing when the Dr. can call in a prescription if there is any issue.  I told Cathy that it was really because Dr. Kim went to Penn, and that often we go out to Rodofo's for soup afterwards.  Oh well.
    Her aide will be coming after 2:30 today.  A substitute.  When she asked me if she could bring a student, I hesitated.  One new person at a time.  Especially if she is bare-naked, thankyouverymuch. 
   Mom is up and in her chair now, watching a cooking program.  I will get her back to bed after her bath.  She will sleep until suppertime. 

   "Thou hast made me what I am
and given me what I have.
In Thee I live and move, and have my being.
Thy providence has set the bounds of my habitation,
and wisely administers all my affairs.

   Let me be numbered with Thy holy ones,
resemble them in character and condition, sit with them at Jesus' feet.
Until I finish my course with joy may I pursue it with diligence,
in every part display the resources of the christian,
and adorn the doctrine of thee, my God in all things."
    

New kittens...

I can't believe how the days fly by.  Last weekend 4/14 was All-Day-meeting and Mom was so so so so worn out. We both stayed for the afternoon address, but I stayed home from Gospel with her. She gets tired so easily, and then she sleeps for hours.
For the last two weeks I was stressed about my taxes and was not thinking about blogging.  As it happens every time (at this time of year) I want to quit owning a business and work for someone else.  My tax preparer is very good at her job.  She worked and worked with my return...and because first she told me that I might owe $1500.00 plus penalties ( I hadn't been able to make the estimated payments) after I was done fainting she sat down with me and we worked on it some more.  She reminded me that essentially I was only owing my Self-Employment Social Security contribution (as if that felt any better) I was able to write the check for the whole amount...except I had forgotten about my car payment and my (self compulsory) IRA contribution so I was on edge all week, going to the bank every day with every single dollar that came in hoping that the check wouldn't clear until I had enough.  I was encouraged with the verse that Our God shall supply all our need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.  So I rendered to Caesar.  As of today, it hasn't cleared. 

Today we went to the eye doctor and Mom got good news!  Her prescription is pretty much the same and the cataract in her good (left) eye hasn't progressed enough to warrant surgery.  In fact, he said that she would only get slightly better clarity but the operation would come with risks.  Her right eye is pretty well a blank.  She was assigned a new case worker this morning by hospice (RN) named Kathy.  We like her.  It's time consuming to get her up to speed, but she has the pertinent information on her computer record. The visit was non-eventful, meaning that none of her vitals were worse that expected. 

We caught four kittens, one right after the other.  I guess that has been taking up my thoughts too.  One morning we discovered that we had caught the Momma and a kitten too!  Yay!  Tom and Sue took her to the shelter but brought the kitten home.  We had four very frightened kittens on our hands that were about five weeks old.  After the trauma of trapping them I decided to keep them together for a few weeks.  Sue lent me a kennel.  They stayed in there all piled up together.  We try to handle them every day to get them used to us. Janet came last Thursday night after Reading meeting and took two home with her.  I thought about letting Juana take the one she wanted but I think they are too young to be alone.  Besides they are so cute playing together.  I think we will keep them.  I do go back and forth about it.  Lily sometimes decides she is the reincarnation of the Hound of Baskerville and we have had to physically remove her. We keep the separate when we are gone.  Mom enjoys it and so we press on!  Last night one actually came and sat on my lap while I was at the desk.  They let us pet them when they are napping, but they are impossible to catch.

I have been enjoying an old book...The  Valley of Vision: a collection of puritan prayers and devotions.
" I know that Thou art the author and finisher of faith,
that the whole work of redemption is Thine alone,
that every good work or thought found in me,
is the effect of Thy power and grace,
that Thy sole motive in working in me to will
and to do is for Thy good pleasure."
So beautiful.  I read this morning this line:"...to be a dispenser as well as a partaker of grace."

Even if I can never ever pray with such poetic eloquence, I can thoroughly enjoy the reading of it. 

BTW I noticed that I have a 'follower' in Germany...? and that there were 26 pageviews. oh no.

Busy Weekend

Here I am!  I know it was a busy weekend because I am still tired, but I can't remember just what we did.  On Sunday I took Mom to the Soboba Country Club for their Easter Brunch...a special menu that included lamb, shrimp, crab cakes, salmon, prime rib, etc...it was pricey but really good.  A once in a year (or lifetime) treat.  The only bummer was the compulsory 18% tip.  sucha drag.  I think it was because of all of the chef type people who were there.  Either way, the customer should be the one to decide...
   Today (Wednesday) has been an especially hard day for Mom.  She hasn't wanted to get dressed for two days.  She can't remember to do the task I set before her ten minutes ago, like test her sugar, or do her albuterol treatment while I get her breakfast.  She just forgets.  She's forgetting what day it is.  She used to be able to keep track by the person who was there that day.  Not anymore...she can't remember that far back.  She forgets if it's morning or evening.  I used to try to get her focused on it, but it just confuses her more because she doesn't remember that she doesn't remember.
   On Monday I woke up thinking of all of the grand things I wanted to do on my day off, namely start clearing out the garage of irrelevant stuff, and get ready for a garage sale.  (Do you want the wicker camper hamper?) In the back of my mind I knew it wasn't going to happen.  There wasn't a free minute.  It was like Grand Central here and I felt like the President of the US...go to this room and talk to these people,  go to that room and talk to those people. 
   First, Mom's home-health aide came for her bath, then her Nurse came for her check-up, then Beverly (the lady who watches my shop when I'm gone) wanted to bring Mom an Easter Lily left over from her church,  then some folks from our HOA needed to talk & pick up some mail, then the Von's grocery order.  All those people needed to talk to me.  Then Mom's diaper order came, and then we left to go to her podiatrist in the afternoon and I went to the animal shelter to pick up a cat-trap.
    My neighbors have discovered that the feral momma cat that left her kittens on my patio last year has had a litter in their attic.  Tom came over and helped me, go up there with me, and decide what to do and where to set the trap, and who for.  We have been trying to solve the dilemma but it's been like the farmer who needs to get his goose and his dog over the river puzzle; We tried to trap the momma on my patio but she has been too smart.  She runs back inside.  We want to catch the kittens but they are too skittish and they hide in the insulation .  So we chased momma out of the roof and blocked the hole.  Sounds inhumane, but if we can get the kitties hungry and in distress we can find them.  It didn't work.  They are still hiding from us.  We can hear them scratching but they are in a crawl space under the tub of the upstairs bathroom.  Tonight we were resigned to set the trap for the kittens themselves in the attic.  At least this way they'll have food.  I can't be there which distresses me.  I have to wait for a phone call from the tenants.  The primary task is to get the cats out of the attic.  Bonus #1 would be to get the momma to the animal shelter.  Bonus #2 will be to catch the kittens and get them adopted.  We might end up letting the momma back in, scaring her into moving the kittens herself.  We'll see! 
   Gotta get Mom ready for bed! 

Getting back to normal

I have been home for two weeks and I have skipped the last few post times, mostly because things were more or less the same. 
This Monday though, we learned we had to switch back to her 'interim' nurse, what they call a 'floater'.  We'd had a new permanent nurse as of last week because her old regular nurse was relieved of in-home-duty due to a personal medical issue.  Today we found out that her new permanent nurse has been transferred to the Temecula circuit, since she lives down there. 
So we wait for another permanent nurse.  Too bad.  Mom liked the new nurse. 
I mentioned to the home-health-aide that we'd had quite too many nurses changed around for comfort.  That we would really like to stick with her permanently at least, please.  She agreed.  She said that it isn't good for the patient to adjust so much to new people all the time. 
The interim nurse told me when I walked her outside that Mom is declining again.  Her blood-pressure in increasing, and her sugar readings are getting too high in the AM.  I am giving her a shot everyday.  We now have a wheelchair for in the house, for those days that she feels more wobbly.  Her knees are starting to shake too much in the mornings.  If we start down that road it will mean that I put Mom in the wheelchair before I leave in the morning.
Dr. Adeyemo has asked that she not be left alone for so long anymore.  I have mentioned this to Becky, but that daily routine isn't in my control.  Nothing has changed, except that Becky herself seems to be coming more often, bless her heart. 
We did some gardening today.  I potted and planted, Mom watched.  I tried to involve her in the process.  Mostly I just kept her with me, whether in the front yard, or on the patio.  We will try to have coffee on the patio tomorrow.  We might need blankets for the early morning chill, but it will be so nice. 
I told Mom about Bruce's favored pizza.  We had Milano's deliver one just like it.  She enjoyed it very much. 
Mom said today that she is two months younger than GG was when she died. I said that GG didn't have me.  Or hospice, or all the other numerous people that lovelovelove you! 
Brenda and Helena were her for a nice visit yesterday.  She picked up a rotisserie chicken, strawberries, raspberries, and romaine salad.  Brenda then helped me hang some of the great-grand kids pictures on Mom's wall.  We started a new row below the grand-kids row, since there are 17 of each set.   I wrote to Virginia on facebook to ask for some pictures of her kids, and to ask her to collect some from Christina and Isaac, too.  I tried to enlarge some of the pictures you sent me of Joy's kids but it won't work.  I spent a good part of the morning trying to set the children according to chronological order.   I still don't think I have it right.  Besides, Helena wanted to be underneath her Mom. 
I started to have VONS deliver our groceries.  The first two times were free.   I think from now on it's 9 dollars.  It saved me so much stress, and is going to be worth it.   It will certainly keep me from impulse purchases!  I do it all on-line, and they'll deliver it when I want.   

Spoon Theory

     I was having coffee & visiting with Johanna one day last week.  She had come to Arizona with Darrah Sikora to shop and stock up at the Tuscon Bead Show  http://www.thetucsonbeadshow.com/index.php 
Darrah owns the successful ETSY jewelry company called Otis B., and Johanna works for her.
 http://www.etsy.com/shop/BriguysGirls  

    Since she was this far West, Johanna thought she might as well continue on to California and visit with all of her family and friends while she could.  She asked me about Mom, and how I was doing...and in my struggle to help her understand what my day involved, she smiled and told me to look up  this website. 
http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/wpress/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/ 
   It would help me personally, she said, and would help me to explain the day-to-day life to someone who doesn't deal with (or is) a patient with a terminal or debilitating disease on a daily basis. The article was written by a woman suffering from Lupus, and her own struggle to define her need to make the sometimes selfish-looking hard decisions. Actually I found it very enlightening, even quite validating and relieving.   I shared it with Mom, and we talked about it, her good days and her bad days, and that sometimes when she's feeling good she overdoes it.  Then she, predictably, has a couple of bad days.  It's too high a price. 

Now we have a code:  "Can I have a spoon?"