It was a bit topsy-turvy today.
Yesterday (Sunday) Mom was all out of sorts...she didn't want to wake up, or get up, except that she had to 'go'. She really didn't want to eat or get dressed at all, either. She wept and winced all the way to the potty, she was in that much pain. I gave her her morning pain pill and some liquid morphine to get to the pain quickly.
I called Bill about 8:30am to tell him that I was keeping her home from meeting, and why. He is always so kind to me, and never questions these judgement calls.
I propped Mom up in bed, gave her some hot tea, some fruit and yogurt, did her testings, (her sugar was decent) watched her swallow her pills, and got her as comfortable as I could.
I made it to the B of B, and then left during the conference letter reading. She wanted only soup for lunch so I heated up some pumpkin and squash bisque, and I added some left over croutons, which makes her happy. She had string cheese, cocoa and toast for supper. Not much. We both went to bed early.
Her nurse Cathy came this morning when she was still in bed. We refilled her medications, she took her blood pressure, listened to her heart & lungs, and discussed with me her poor appetite, her sleepfull-ness, her growing confusion & cognitive loss, the evident decline. She knows about the chronic UTI situation, and saw the specimen cup that I have set out to remind me to get a sample tomorrow morning. I'll drop it off on my way to work. I always get a urine specimen to the lab a week before any appointment so we can see if the antibiotic is working or if we need to switch. Cathy doesn't want me to plan on getting her out to the urologist next Monday. They (hospice) really help me to face facts; what's the point in adding the stress and bother of an outing when the Dr. can call in a prescription if there is any issue. I told Cathy that it was really because Dr. Kim went to Penn, and that often we go out to Rodofo's for soup afterwards. Oh well.
Her aide will be coming after 2:30 today. A substitute. When she asked me if she could bring a student, I hesitated. One new person at a time. Especially if she is bare-naked, thankyouverymuch.
Mom is up and in her chair now, watching a cooking program. I will get her back to bed after her bath. She will sleep until suppertime.
"Thou hast made me what I am
and given me what I have.
In Thee I live and move, and have my being.
Thy providence has set the bounds of my habitation,
and wisely administers all my affairs.
Let me be numbered with Thy holy ones,
resemble them in character and condition, sit with them at Jesus' feet.
Until I finish my course with joy may I pursue it with diligence,
in every part display the resources of the christian,
and adorn the doctrine of thee, my God in all things."
Monday, April 29, 2013
Monday, April 22, 2013
New kittens...
I can't believe how the days fly by. Last weekend 4/14 was All-Day-meeting and Mom was so so so so worn out. We both stayed for the afternoon address, but I stayed home from Gospel with her. She gets tired so easily, and then she sleeps for hours.
For the last two weeks I was stressed about my taxes and was not thinking about blogging. As it happens every time (at this time of year) I want to quit owning a business and work for someone else. My tax preparer is very good at her job. She worked and worked with my return...and because first she told me that I might owe $1500.00 plus penalties ( I hadn't been able to make the estimated payments) after I was done fainting she sat down with me and we worked on it some more. She reminded me that essentially I was only owing my Self-Employment Social Security contribution (as if that felt any better) I was able to write the check for the whole amount...except I had forgotten about my car payment and my (self compulsory) IRA contribution so I was on edge all week, going to the bank every day with every single dollar that came in hoping that the check wouldn't clear until I had enough. I was encouraged with the verse that Our God shall supply all our need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. So I rendered to Caesar. As of today, it hasn't cleared.
Today we went to the eye doctor and Mom got good news! Her prescription is pretty much the same and the cataract in her good (left) eye hasn't progressed enough to warrant surgery. In fact, he said that she would only get slightly better clarity but the operation would come with risks. Her right eye is pretty well a blank. She was assigned a new case worker this morning by hospice (RN) named Kathy. We like her. It's time consuming to get her up to speed, but she has the pertinent information on her computer record. The visit was non-eventful, meaning that none of her vitals were worse that expected.
We caught four kittens, one right after the other. I guess that has been taking up my thoughts too. One morning we discovered that we had caught the Momma and a kitten too! Yay! Tom and Sue took her to the shelter but brought the kitten home. We had four very frightened kittens on our hands that were about five weeks old. After the trauma of trapping them I decided to keep them together for a few weeks. Sue lent me a kennel. They stayed in there all piled up together. We try to handle them every day to get them used to us. Janet came last Thursday night after Reading meeting and took two home with her. I thought about letting Juana take the one she wanted but I think they are too young to be alone. Besides they are so cute playing together. I think we will keep them. I do go back and forth about it. Lily sometimes decides she is the reincarnation of the Hound of Baskerville and we have had to physically remove her. We keep the separate when we are gone. Mom enjoys it and so we press on! Last night one actually came and sat on my lap while I was at the desk. They let us pet them when they are napping, but they are impossible to catch.
I have been enjoying an old book...The Valley of Vision: a collection of puritan prayers and devotions.
" I know that Thou art the author and finisher of faith,
that the whole work of redemption is Thine alone,
that every good work or thought found in me,
is the effect of Thy power and grace,
that Thy sole motive in working in me to will
and to do is for Thy good pleasure."
So beautiful. I read this morning this line:"...to be a dispenser as well as a partaker of grace."
Even if I can never ever pray with such poetic eloquence, I can thoroughly enjoy the reading of it.
BTW I noticed that I have a 'follower' in Germany...? and that there were 26 pageviews. oh no.
For the last two weeks I was stressed about my taxes and was not thinking about blogging. As it happens every time (at this time of year) I want to quit owning a business and work for someone else. My tax preparer is very good at her job. She worked and worked with my return...and because first she told me that I might owe $1500.00 plus penalties ( I hadn't been able to make the estimated payments) after I was done fainting she sat down with me and we worked on it some more. She reminded me that essentially I was only owing my Self-Employment Social Security contribution (as if that felt any better) I was able to write the check for the whole amount...except I had forgotten about my car payment and my (self compulsory) IRA contribution so I was on edge all week, going to the bank every day with every single dollar that came in hoping that the check wouldn't clear until I had enough. I was encouraged with the verse that Our God shall supply all our need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. So I rendered to Caesar. As of today, it hasn't cleared.
Today we went to the eye doctor and Mom got good news! Her prescription is pretty much the same and the cataract in her good (left) eye hasn't progressed enough to warrant surgery. In fact, he said that she would only get slightly better clarity but the operation would come with risks. Her right eye is pretty well a blank. She was assigned a new case worker this morning by hospice (RN) named Kathy. We like her. It's time consuming to get her up to speed, but she has the pertinent information on her computer record. The visit was non-eventful, meaning that none of her vitals were worse that expected.
We caught four kittens, one right after the other. I guess that has been taking up my thoughts too. One morning we discovered that we had caught the Momma and a kitten too! Yay! Tom and Sue took her to the shelter but brought the kitten home. We had four very frightened kittens on our hands that were about five weeks old. After the trauma of trapping them I decided to keep them together for a few weeks. Sue lent me a kennel. They stayed in there all piled up together. We try to handle them every day to get them used to us. Janet came last Thursday night after Reading meeting and took two home with her. I thought about letting Juana take the one she wanted but I think they are too young to be alone. Besides they are so cute playing together. I think we will keep them. I do go back and forth about it. Lily sometimes decides she is the reincarnation of the Hound of Baskerville and we have had to physically remove her. We keep the separate when we are gone. Mom enjoys it and so we press on! Last night one actually came and sat on my lap while I was at the desk. They let us pet them when they are napping, but they are impossible to catch.
I have been enjoying an old book...The Valley of Vision: a collection of puritan prayers and devotions.
" I know that Thou art the author and finisher of faith,
that the whole work of redemption is Thine alone,
that every good work or thought found in me,
is the effect of Thy power and grace,
that Thy sole motive in working in me to will
and to do is for Thy good pleasure."
So beautiful. I read this morning this line:"...to be a dispenser as well as a partaker of grace."
Even if I can never ever pray with such poetic eloquence, I can thoroughly enjoy the reading of it.
BTW I noticed that I have a 'follower' in Germany...? and that there were 26 pageviews. oh no.
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Busy Weekend
Here I am! I know it was a busy weekend because I am still tired, but I can't remember just what we did. On Sunday I took Mom to the Soboba Country Club for their Easter Brunch...a special menu that included lamb, shrimp, crab cakes, salmon, prime rib, etc...it was pricey but really good. A once in a year (or lifetime) treat. The only bummer was the compulsory 18% tip. sucha drag. I think it was because of all of the chef type people who were there. Either way, the customer should be the one to decide...
Today (Wednesday) has been an especially hard day for Mom. She hasn't wanted to get dressed for two days. She can't remember to do the task I set before her ten minutes ago, like test her sugar, or do her albuterol treatment while I get her breakfast. She just forgets. She's forgetting what day it is. She used to be able to keep track by the person who was there that day. Not anymore...she can't remember that far back. She forgets if it's morning or evening. I used to try to get her focused on it, but it just confuses her more because she doesn't remember that she doesn't remember.
On Monday I woke up thinking of all of the grand things I wanted to do on my day off, namely start clearing out the garage of irrelevant stuff, and get ready for a garage sale. (Do you want the wicker camper hamper?) In the back of my mind I knew it wasn't going to happen. There wasn't a free minute. It was like Grand Central here and I felt like the President of the US...go to this room and talk to these people, go to that room and talk to those people.
First, Mom's home-health aide came for her bath, then her Nurse came for her check-up, then Beverly (the lady who watches my shop when I'm gone) wanted to bring Mom an Easter Lily left over from her church, then some folks from our HOA needed to talk & pick up some mail, then the Von's grocery order. All those people needed to talk to me. Then Mom's diaper order came, and then we left to go to her podiatrist in the afternoon and I went to the animal shelter to pick up a cat-trap.
My neighbors have discovered that the feral momma cat that left her kittens on my patio last year has had a litter in their attic. Tom came over and helped me, go up there with me, and decide what to do and where to set the trap, and who for. We have been trying to solve the dilemma but it's been like the farmer who needs to get his goose and his dog over the river puzzle; We tried to trap the momma on my patio but she has been too smart. She runs back inside. We want to catch the kittens but they are too skittish and they hide in the insulation . So we chased momma out of the roof and blocked the hole. Sounds inhumane, but if we can get the kitties hungry and in distress we can find them. It didn't work. They are still hiding from us. We can hear them scratching but they are in a crawl space under the tub of the upstairs bathroom. Tonight we were resigned to set the trap for the kittens themselves in the attic. At least this way they'll have food. I can't be there which distresses me. I have to wait for a phone call from the tenants. The primary task is to get the cats out of the attic. Bonus #1 would be to get the momma to the animal shelter. Bonus #2 will be to catch the kittens and get them adopted. We might end up letting the momma back in, scaring her into moving the kittens herself. We'll see!
Gotta get Mom ready for bed!
Today (Wednesday) has been an especially hard day for Mom. She hasn't wanted to get dressed for two days. She can't remember to do the task I set before her ten minutes ago, like test her sugar, or do her albuterol treatment while I get her breakfast. She just forgets. She's forgetting what day it is. She used to be able to keep track by the person who was there that day. Not anymore...she can't remember that far back. She forgets if it's morning or evening. I used to try to get her focused on it, but it just confuses her more because she doesn't remember that she doesn't remember.
On Monday I woke up thinking of all of the grand things I wanted to do on my day off, namely start clearing out the garage of irrelevant stuff, and get ready for a garage sale. (Do you want the wicker camper hamper?) In the back of my mind I knew it wasn't going to happen. There wasn't a free minute. It was like Grand Central here and I felt like the President of the US...go to this room and talk to these people, go to that room and talk to those people.
First, Mom's home-health aide came for her bath, then her Nurse came for her check-up, then Beverly (the lady who watches my shop when I'm gone) wanted to bring Mom an Easter Lily left over from her church, then some folks from our HOA needed to talk & pick up some mail, then the Von's grocery order. All those people needed to talk to me. Then Mom's diaper order came, and then we left to go to her podiatrist in the afternoon and I went to the animal shelter to pick up a cat-trap.
My neighbors have discovered that the feral momma cat that left her kittens on my patio last year has had a litter in their attic. Tom came over and helped me, go up there with me, and decide what to do and where to set the trap, and who for. We have been trying to solve the dilemma but it's been like the farmer who needs to get his goose and his dog over the river puzzle; We tried to trap the momma on my patio but she has been too smart. She runs back inside. We want to catch the kittens but they are too skittish and they hide in the insulation . So we chased momma out of the roof and blocked the hole. Sounds inhumane, but if we can get the kitties hungry and in distress we can find them. It didn't work. They are still hiding from us. We can hear them scratching but they are in a crawl space under the tub of the upstairs bathroom. Tonight we were resigned to set the trap for the kittens themselves in the attic. At least this way they'll have food. I can't be there which distresses me. I have to wait for a phone call from the tenants. The primary task is to get the cats out of the attic. Bonus #1 would be to get the momma to the animal shelter. Bonus #2 will be to catch the kittens and get them adopted. We might end up letting the momma back in, scaring her into moving the kittens herself. We'll see!
Gotta get Mom ready for bed!
Monday, March 25, 2013
Getting back to normal
I have been home for two weeks and I have skipped the last few post times, mostly because things were more or less the same.
This Monday though, we learned we had to switch back to her 'interim' nurse, what they call a 'floater'. We'd had a new permanent nurse as of last week because her old regular nurse was relieved of in-home-duty due to a personal medical issue. Today we found out that her new permanent nurse has been transferred to the Temecula circuit, since she lives down there.
So we wait for another permanent nurse. Too bad. Mom liked the new nurse.
I mentioned to the home-health-aide that we'd had quite too many nurses changed around for comfort. That we would really like to stick with her permanently at least, please. She agreed. She said that it isn't good for the patient to adjust so much to new people all the time.
The interim nurse told me when I walked her outside that Mom is declining again. Her blood-pressure in increasing, and her sugar readings are getting too high in the AM. I am giving her a shot everyday. We now have a wheelchair for in the house, for those days that she feels more wobbly. Her knees are starting to shake too much in the mornings. If we start down that road it will mean that I put Mom in the wheelchair before I leave in the morning.
Dr. Adeyemo has asked that she not be left alone for so long anymore. I have mentioned this to Becky, but that daily routine isn't in my control. Nothing has changed, except that Becky herself seems to be coming more often, bless her heart.
We did some gardening today. I potted and planted, Mom watched. I tried to involve her in the process. Mostly I just kept her with me, whether in the front yard, or on the patio. We will try to have coffee on the patio tomorrow. We might need blankets for the early morning chill, but it will be so nice.
I told Mom about Bruce's favored pizza. We had Milano's deliver one just like it. She enjoyed it very much.
Mom said today that she is two months younger than GG was when she died. I said that GG didn't have me. Or hospice, or all the other numerous people that lovelovelove you!
Brenda and Helena were her for a nice visit yesterday. She picked up a rotisserie chicken, strawberries, raspberries, and romaine salad. Brenda then helped me hang some of the great-grand kids pictures on Mom's wall. We started a new row below the grand-kids row, since there are 17 of each set. I wrote to Virginia on facebook to ask for some pictures of her kids, and to ask her to collect some from Christina and Isaac, too. I tried to enlarge some of the pictures you sent me of Joy's kids but it won't work. I spent a good part of the morning trying to set the children according to chronological order. I still don't think I have it right. Besides, Helena wanted to be underneath her Mom.
I started to have VONS deliver our groceries. The first two times were free. I think from now on it's 9 dollars. It saved me so much stress, and is going to be worth it. It will certainly keep me from impulse purchases! I do it all on-line, and they'll deliver it when I want.
This Monday though, we learned we had to switch back to her 'interim' nurse, what they call a 'floater'. We'd had a new permanent nurse as of last week because her old regular nurse was relieved of in-home-duty due to a personal medical issue. Today we found out that her new permanent nurse has been transferred to the Temecula circuit, since she lives down there.
So we wait for another permanent nurse. Too bad. Mom liked the new nurse.
I mentioned to the home-health-aide that we'd had quite too many nurses changed around for comfort. That we would really like to stick with her permanently at least, please. She agreed. She said that it isn't good for the patient to adjust so much to new people all the time.
The interim nurse told me when I walked her outside that Mom is declining again. Her blood-pressure in increasing, and her sugar readings are getting too high in the AM. I am giving her a shot everyday. We now have a wheelchair for in the house, for those days that she feels more wobbly. Her knees are starting to shake too much in the mornings. If we start down that road it will mean that I put Mom in the wheelchair before I leave in the morning.
Dr. Adeyemo has asked that she not be left alone for so long anymore. I have mentioned this to Becky, but that daily routine isn't in my control. Nothing has changed, except that Becky herself seems to be coming more often, bless her heart.
We did some gardening today. I potted and planted, Mom watched. I tried to involve her in the process. Mostly I just kept her with me, whether in the front yard, or on the patio. We will try to have coffee on the patio tomorrow. We might need blankets for the early morning chill, but it will be so nice.
I told Mom about Bruce's favored pizza. We had Milano's deliver one just like it. She enjoyed it very much.
Mom said today that she is two months younger than GG was when she died. I said that GG didn't have me. Or hospice, or all the other numerous people that lovelovelove you!
Brenda and Helena were her for a nice visit yesterday. She picked up a rotisserie chicken, strawberries, raspberries, and romaine salad. Brenda then helped me hang some of the great-grand kids pictures on Mom's wall. We started a new row below the grand-kids row, since there are 17 of each set. I wrote to Virginia on facebook to ask for some pictures of her kids, and to ask her to collect some from Christina and Isaac, too. I tried to enlarge some of the pictures you sent me of Joy's kids but it won't work. I spent a good part of the morning trying to set the children according to chronological order. I still don't think I have it right. Besides, Helena wanted to be underneath her Mom.
I started to have VONS deliver our groceries. The first two times were free. I think from now on it's 9 dollars. It saved me so much stress, and is going to be worth it. It will certainly keep me from impulse purchases! I do it all on-line, and they'll deliver it when I want.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Spoon Theory
I was having coffee & visiting with Johanna one day last week. She had come to Arizona with Darrah Sikora to shop and stock up at the Tuscon Bead Show http://www.thetucsonbeadshow.com/index.php
Darrah owns the successful ETSY jewelry company called Otis B., and Johanna works for her.
http://www.etsy.com/shop/BriguysGirls
Since she was this far West, Johanna thought she might as well continue on to California and visit with all of her family and friends while she could. She asked me about Mom, and how I was doing...and in my struggle to help her understand what my day involved, she smiled and told me to look up this website.
http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/wpress/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/
It would help me personally, she said, and would help me to explain the day-to-day life to someone who doesn't deal with (or is) a patient with a terminal or debilitating disease on a daily basis. The article was written by a woman suffering from Lupus, and her own struggle to define her need to make the sometimes selfish-looking hard decisions. Actually I found it very enlightening, even quite validating and relieving. I shared it with Mom, and we talked about it, her good days and her bad days, and that sometimes when she's feeling good she overdoes it. Then she, predictably, has a couple of bad days. It's too high a price.
Now we have a code: "Can I have a spoon?"
Darrah owns the successful ETSY jewelry company called Otis B., and Johanna works for her.
http://www.etsy.com/shop/BriguysGirls
Since she was this far West, Johanna thought she might as well continue on to California and visit with all of her family and friends while she could. She asked me about Mom, and how I was doing...and in my struggle to help her understand what my day involved, she smiled and told me to look up this website.
http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/wpress/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/
It would help me personally, she said, and would help me to explain the day-to-day life to someone who doesn't deal with (or is) a patient with a terminal or debilitating disease on a daily basis. The article was written by a woman suffering from Lupus, and her own struggle to define her need to make the sometimes selfish-looking hard decisions. Actually I found it very enlightening, even quite validating and relieving. I shared it with Mom, and we talked about it, her good days and her bad days, and that sometimes when she's feeling good she overdoes it. Then she, predictably, has a couple of bad days. It's too high a price.
Now we have a code: "Can I have a spoon?"
Monday, February 18, 2013
No news-Good news
It's been an uneventful week (by our standards). Mom quasi-slipped in the shower when she was trying to turn on the water. She'd had to reach around and past the shower-chair. Usually Terry does this for her when she is here, but Mom wanted a bath on Saturday night, too. No breaks, just bruises and bumps. She also tripped, but caught herself, upon entering the front door because she didn't realize how high the WELCOME mat was...it's one of those thick grass pile ones, and she is wearing a 'boot' to protect her foot sore.
We have had discussions about her trying to do too many things at once. For instance, she just stops to pick up a piece of yarn, while she is pushing her walker, with a cup of cocoa on the seat, and with her oxygen canula inserted in her nose, and the hose is trailing along behind her. Last night after Gospel she was only trying to help...so she held on to the outside doorknob with her right hand and her walker (which is inside) with her left hand, while she was trying to reach for the door-stop with her foot so she could prop the door open for me (as I'm standing in the garage right outside wondering what she is doing and why she won't let go of the door knob...)
But we press on!
We have had discussions about her trying to do too many things at once. For instance, she just stops to pick up a piece of yarn, while she is pushing her walker, with a cup of cocoa on the seat, and with her oxygen canula inserted in her nose, and the hose is trailing along behind her. Last night after Gospel she was only trying to help...so she held on to the outside doorknob with her right hand and her walker (which is inside) with her left hand, while she was trying to reach for the door-stop with her foot so she could prop the door open for me (as I'm standing in the garage right outside wondering what she is doing and why she won't let go of the door knob...)
But we press on!
Monday, February 11, 2013
A distressing morning
Yesterday was fellowship day and we usually can make it from front to back...at least as far as the afternoon meeting. Mom was well enough, awake and dressed by the time it was time to leave for Sunday School. We arrived about five minutes late: 9:40 or so. She lasted through lunch. As we were finishing up eating she was starting to look tired. I wheeled her out of the meeting room into the kitchen where she wanted to say goodbye to Becky. Becky noticed her bad color and weariness right away. I got her home and into bed, then I tested her blood sugar. Not too bad for after lunch: 233. She was sleeping so I went back for the afternoon reading (Deuteronomy 8) and then went home again. She was still sleeping. I am always nervous about leaving her alone for her to wake up in the dark, as I said before, she is often confused first thing. So I stayed home from Gospel...she slept until 7:30 that evening. I gave her some hot tea, soup, which she didn't want, and some bread and butter (smart balance) She was up until I went to bed at 10:30. I fell sound asleep and didn't wake up so she managed to get herself to bed. A few things were left undone, like her bed-head raised, and her gel-pac on, but I had already set out her bedtime pills.
This morning was nearly tragic. She slept until 10:00, three hours longer than normal. OK, a little odd, but no crisis. Her visiting nurse and aide called for their appointments. I told both of them she was still sleeping. The nurse came anyway and did her exam while Mom was still in bed. Mom was very bewildered the whole time. Besides noticing that her pulse rate was increasingly slow (sounds like a contradiction) nothing was creating a red flag, so we only lessened one of her heart medications. I assumed that her moderate confusion and agitation were part of the normal routine. It usually passes in a few minutes. It didn't. It lasted for several hours. The whole time Virginia was here and the whole time Terry was here. Repetative questions, anxious questions, tears, quaky nervousness, agitation, more questions, more confusion. She couldn't hear or understand us, She wouldn't allow me to leave the room. She didn't want me to talk to Terry or Virginia, at least not while we were in another room. She didn't want me to leave her at all. If I turned my back to discuss medication renewals, she was unhappy. I told her gently, repeatedly that we were not telling secrets or saying anything she didn't already know. We all tried to talk with her present, facing her so she could hear. More tears. More paranoia. Terry tried to give her a bath. I had to stay in the bathroom too. This was so strange!
I snuck out when Terry was washing Mom's feet. I was trying to make her bed when I noticed that her little glass dish that I keep her mid-night pain pills (Vicodin) in was EMPTY. Normally I leave five or six pills there so she has a supply if she needs one during the night. Only that many so I can count them in the morning to see if she took one or not. She wouldn't remember. Usually they are all still there as she hasn't felt the need for one. The last time I looked they were all still there. So. It is possible, I guess, that she saw the dish there and thought I'd meant for her to take them all. The tiny white plastic cup that I give her her pills in does not look anything like the green lidded glass dish. Alarmed, I spoke to Terry from outside the bathroom door so Mom couldn't see me and quietly told her what I'd found. Terry was alarmed, too. Mom heard and understood every word. Terry was surprised at that. When Mom was dressed I drove her out to sit by the fire. I was trying to decide what to do. Terry thoughtfully called the nurse and reported it. At this stage there isn't anything we can do, but wait for her to wear it off. At the least it would be called a minor overdose. No more pills left laying around!
She confessed to me that she is anxious about my leaving. She wants me to go. She knows I need to go, I should go. I told her I can cancel at any time, and so she feels guilty. She wants me to stay.
Right now she is better. More cognitive, more clear headed.
Thank you for your continued prayers. I depend on them daily. I cannot do this without them. I cannot do this without the Lord's constant, faithful help and tender mercy.
Hopefully this crisis has passed.
This morning was nearly tragic. She slept until 10:00, three hours longer than normal. OK, a little odd, but no crisis. Her visiting nurse and aide called for their appointments. I told both of them she was still sleeping. The nurse came anyway and did her exam while Mom was still in bed. Mom was very bewildered the whole time. Besides noticing that her pulse rate was increasingly slow (sounds like a contradiction) nothing was creating a red flag, so we only lessened one of her heart medications. I assumed that her moderate confusion and agitation were part of the normal routine. It usually passes in a few minutes. It didn't. It lasted for several hours. The whole time Virginia was here and the whole time Terry was here. Repetative questions, anxious questions, tears, quaky nervousness, agitation, more questions, more confusion. She couldn't hear or understand us, She wouldn't allow me to leave the room. She didn't want me to talk to Terry or Virginia, at least not while we were in another room. She didn't want me to leave her at all. If I turned my back to discuss medication renewals, she was unhappy. I told her gently, repeatedly that we were not telling secrets or saying anything she didn't already know. We all tried to talk with her present, facing her so she could hear. More tears. More paranoia. Terry tried to give her a bath. I had to stay in the bathroom too. This was so strange!
I snuck out when Terry was washing Mom's feet. I was trying to make her bed when I noticed that her little glass dish that I keep her mid-night pain pills (Vicodin) in was EMPTY. Normally I leave five or six pills there so she has a supply if she needs one during the night. Only that many so I can count them in the morning to see if she took one or not. She wouldn't remember. Usually they are all still there as she hasn't felt the need for one. The last time I looked they were all still there. So. It is possible, I guess, that she saw the dish there and thought I'd meant for her to take them all. The tiny white plastic cup that I give her her pills in does not look anything like the green lidded glass dish. Alarmed, I spoke to Terry from outside the bathroom door so Mom couldn't see me and quietly told her what I'd found. Terry was alarmed, too. Mom heard and understood every word. Terry was surprised at that. When Mom was dressed I drove her out to sit by the fire. I was trying to decide what to do. Terry thoughtfully called the nurse and reported it. At this stage there isn't anything we can do, but wait for her to wear it off. At the least it would be called a minor overdose. No more pills left laying around!
She confessed to me that she is anxious about my leaving. She wants me to go. She knows I need to go, I should go. I told her I can cancel at any time, and so she feels guilty. She wants me to stay.
Right now she is better. More cognitive, more clear headed.
Thank you for your continued prayers. I depend on them daily. I cannot do this without them. I cannot do this without the Lord's constant, faithful help and tender mercy.
Hopefully this crisis has passed.
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